Insomnia: Its seems to be a regular thing for me with the average period of Insomnia lasting four to five days and some episodes having gone as long as nine days. Insomnia isn’t the main trust of this post, but it does play its part in creating the wide range of moods depression puts you through.As it stands at 7.32pm on a Saturday night, I am fast approaching being awake for four days straight.
Characteristic behaviors of persons experiencing hypomania are a notable decrease in the need for sleep, an overall increase in energy, unusual behaviors and actions, and a markedly distinctive increase in talkativeness and confidence, commonly exhibited with a flight of creative ideas.
Above taken from everyone’s favourite fact based website Wikipedia explains my periods of Hyper Mania or to use it correct medical term Hypomania.
(literally “under mania” or “less than mania”) is a mood state characterized by persistent disinhibition and mood elevation (euphoria), with behavior that is noticeably different from the person’s typical behavior when in a non-depressed state. It may involve irritability, but less severely than full mania.
And that’s frame of mind I spent the entire day yesterday going through. From about 6am I couldn’t stop doing something, this website even went though a complete graphics overhaul and colour scheme change just to keep me busy, baclance that against the fact that the website only went live on January 27th and really didn’t need to have the work done at all.
The rest of my time was spent cooking a Curry and a Desert from scratch just because I really needed things to do, my mind races off at 100mph and I can hardly keep up with my own thought processes and my level of accuracy and attention to detail are also heightened.
The time flashes past as though you’ve hardly moved and yet when you look at what you managed to achieve during that period of Hyperactivity it looks more like you’ve done a few days work in a couple of hours. Ideas flow like never before and you see a bright future in everything rather than only seeing the negatives of life when your mood tips the opposite way.
For me the Hyper moods only last for a day maximum two and then the tail spin happens and the next day your mind once again fills with abject fear of everything around you and the only thing you see ahead of you is your life shortening as you speed towards that day when you finally take your own life.
Yesterday’s feelings of elation, excitement, achievement and the bright future that existed throws you back into the dark corners of your mind where all you see is more failure and hate for yourself for allowing yourself to think you deserve to be anything more than you are today. That messed up wreck who can only see lifes negatives and no future.
The worst part of the whole experience is when you can go from that Hypomania state and back to the flat and dejected person within the space of a few hours or worse when you spend a day with your state of mind going backward and forward between the hyper and flat states.
Those days are far more emotionally draining and I’d actually rather have major surgery than go through those days. Its those days that also heighten the feelings within you that your only escape is to take the route that will end your nightmare of an existance, and the resulting aftermath also means you then have to work twice as hard as normal to fight those feelings and survive another day.
#Shaun who him? – I’ve worked in the Employability & Skills, Recruitment, Training, Careers Advice & CV Writting/Consultancy sectors for over 20 years. Currently developing my life long passion of Photography with the eventual aim of building a new business venture. McLaren F1 and Ayrton Senna fan who also enjoys cooking who more recently using my enjoyment of writing to talk about my own Mental Health struggles.